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Rette mit engelsk essay?:)

+1 stemme
2,506 visninger
Hej allesammen :)

Er der en sød sjæl herinde der vil rette min engelsk stil? :-)

Mange tak på forhånd
spurgt for 26 Okt, 2014 i engelsk / a-niveau af anonym  
Hej

Prøv at vedhæfte den - så vil jeg da gerne komme med mine kommentarer til den :-)
Mange tak lucas! :)


1 Svar

0 stemmer

Jeg har lidt hurtigt gennemlæst og fremhævet de områder af din tekst, som jeg mener kræver lidt opmærksomhed. Dette uden at skrive direkte hvad der er galt - jeg kan nemlig se at du har meget godt styr på ordforråd og grammatik, så det er nok bare sjuskefejl :-)

Men generelt, så pas på med fordanskning af sætninger.

Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts

The society today is affected by the social medias, such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc. People measures their popularity and look on how many great comments and likes they got on their pictures or if they uploaded something on their wall. It’s especially young people who grow up in this world, who are affected on this new technological generation. The phenomenon and world is completely normal for them that they haven’t tried live in a world without this massive technological trend. Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts, is an essay written by Jonathan Franzen, that is based on a commencement speech he delivered at Kenyon College, Ohio, USA. Jonathan Franzen tries to remind people of the true meaning of love, even though technology is being at its peak. He is also trying to reach out to the young audience and tell them, that a real life isn’t on the Internet, but in real life.

The author in this essay puts or daily routine on the Internet into perspective and tries to force us to be critical about what we do online. The author stars out sharing a personal experience, which is getting a new smartphone, and he is using it, as a starting point for his concerns. Jonathan Franzen is aware of the danger of scaring all those young readers who might be fed up with some older people, who are complaining about today’s generation of technological and Internet users: “Very probably, you’re sick to death of hearing social media disrespected by cranky 51-year-olds”. Therefore he catches the young audiences attention by comparing the relationship he have with his smartphone to a relationship of romantic nature. Our author seeks to keep in eye level with the young readers, by using familiar expressions like “outgrown the relationship”, “trust issues” and so on. He chooses to contrast the natural world with the new technological world. Jonathan Franzen talks of love as the technological worlds enemy: “Its first line of defense is to commodify its enemy. You can all supply your own favorite, most nauseating examples of the commodification of love”. In the quote he explains how media, commodifies love in a nauseating way.

Jonathan Franzen draws attention to some interesting topics in his essay. Franzen draw attention to the fact that Facebook has influenced the English language, for example “like”. “Like” is now an action verb rather than a state of mind verb. Could this be the young generation’s ability to tell the difference between liking and loving? It’s naïve to believe that the whole generation ???

Jonathan Franzen’s way to keep the young audience interested is by talking of well known phenomena, for example Franzen use the phenomena “liking”, “friending”.  People use these phenomena on Facebook when you like a picture or when you are friending someone.  “Liking, in general, is commercial culture’s substitute for loving”. Jonathan Franzen argues that in our virtual world, we are self-centered and narcissistic in that way, that we only our filtered and flattering sides of ourselves to the world. He also consumer technology products help us to so, that’s why Franzen calls the “enablers of narcissism. Another way Jonathan Franzen keep the young audience interested is the way he speaks of his Blackberry phone as it was his girlfriend or partner., which makes it relevant for younger people, as many of them has that kind of connection to love. “Over the years bloom had faded from our relationship (…) I’d developed trust issues and some doubts about my Pearl’s very sanity”. 

 

The message that Jonathan Franzen will out to the world with is that we should spend more time in the real world, instead of the technological world. On the social media or actually on the whole Internet most things are risk-free. Franzen want to point out that liking something is far from the same as love someone of something in the realistic world. When you put yourself out there in the real world and start loving, then you are running a great risk of being hurt badly. But if you don’t do this, then you aren’t really living at all. The whole essay should be seen as a shout out to the young generation, whose minds are on social media, as a reminder of the real life and that everything great can’t be found online on the Internet. We also create another side of ourselves, because we fear the acknowledgement from other people. If you are letting actual experiences in life come to you, you might end up with a great result ???

I can conclude with the insight on the essay Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts that Jonathan Franzen tries in a funny way, to give the young generation a wake-up call. While the concern that we will forget how to love and settle for liking, Franken is nevertheless worried without any reason. Young people might use ridiculous much time on the Internet, but they never lose the ability to love. So last I will conclude that Jonathan Franzen made some interesting comparisons and looks at the problem from another site, and it definitely gave the young audience something to think about, because Franzen is right in a lot of his statements, for example that there is a better life in the realistic life. You are going to find happiness in the real world, and not the technological world.

 

besvaret for 26 Okt, 2014 af lucas (4,430 point)  
Mange tak skal du have lucas, det er dejligt at kunne se hvad jeg har lavet fejl i :-)
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